Policing by numbers

If you want to know the time, ask a policeman. If, however, you want to know the figures for violent crime, best not ask Staffordshire Police.

Staffordshire have been included in a list released by the Home Office of forces who have 'undercounted' their figures for violent crime.

According to the BBC, they have been "downgrading crimes where there was an intention to cause serious injury but no such injury resulted".

So that's alright then. As long as you manage to avoid the person's punch or stab attempt you haven't been a victim of violent crime.

As Nick Ross would have said: "Please, don't have nightmares."